Embracing my inner crazy

ecscreamSometimes bloggers can be so phony. Your Facebook friends too. Don’t even get me started on Instagram. Life isn’t always amazing. Your job isn’t the best job ever. You aren’t always doing fun things. You don’t always look THAT good. Sometimes it’s exhausting keeping up with our own personal web persona. Don’t you think?

So in the spirit of being real…here’s some crazy for your Saturday viewing pleasure.

Dave and I went out to dinner last night. For anyone keyed into my new frugality streak, don’t worry. It was happy hour (read: cheap)  and it was delicious.  More than that, getting out of our homebody routine gave us a chance to sit together, face to face, sans distractions,  and have a meaningful conversation. I know. Crazy right?

Not that this is a totally rare occurrence, but we are sometimes guilty of getting in a rut of just talking about work, the dogs, the weather, TV, food etc. Anyway, we talked a little about goals for the new year. Dave wants to start writing the book that has been swirling around in his head. I want to get out of debt. We both want to get more fit, climb more and just grow more in our relationship. The usual New Yearsy stuff, you know? But, one striking thing that Dave DID mention is that he wants me to find happiness in the New Year.  Sweet, right?

But…I’m not UNhappy. Not really. I have a good job, friends, a great family, a great house, adorable dogs and, obviously, a sweet boyfriend. I’ve done a lot of traveling. I’m fairly young. I’m healthy.  So far, so good right?

It’s just that I get anxious about things. A lot of things.  Finances, debt, cleaning, the dogs, fitness, food, wasted time, wasted talent, wasted money. Anything and everything. I worry and I obsess and the BF sees this is a sign of discontentment. He thinks I need something else, a hobby, a sport or something to do instead of obsess.

He might be right.

See…the BF has a lot of hobbies. He’s an skilled musician, a strong climber, and well, as a video game designer, he is an connoisseur of games and design tools. He always has something with which to fill his time. He is not a worrier. He doesn’t obsess.  To be fair, I climb too and am just out with an injury right now. And I do have a lot of interests – travel, blogging, reading, obsessing. Just nothing, well, tangible, right now.  Nothing that gets my hands dirty.  It’s just…well, it’s  just that I have a hard time sticking with any one thing. I have a short attention span…basically. For example…

1. My graduate degree was based on my interest at the time. Natural Medicine. Essentially, I burned out.  Honestly, I think the best way to kill an interest is to spend 2-4 years studying it, being tested on it, stressing about it and then, base your financial success around it. I want to want to do it. It just still makes me anxious to think about it.

2. For a while, I was thrifting, upcycling and selling furniture and homemade jewelry at flea markets. This was fun! And it stopped. It stopped because I started worrying about the money I was spending. And besides, my friend, with whom I worked the flea markets moved away and it just wasn’t as exciting to do alone.

3. I picked up the ukulele for awhile. I fell i love with the band Beirut and wanted to learn all their songs. I still would love to be able to play but just have a hard time sitting down to do it. Besides, the BF was an expert the minute he touched the thing. My plunking around on the strings was just…embarrassing. I know…practice makes perfect.

4. This is the 4th blog I’ve started in one year. Enough said.

5. I’ve started non-profits, small businesses and filled notebooks with business ideas, but have not REALLY followed through on any.

6. I was into yoga for awhile. And then I wasn’t.

So, Dave does have a point. He thinks I have about a month’s attention span around any one thing I get excited about. He’s mostly right. And this kind of scares me because I worry that anything I currently get excited about, could bore me in a couple months’ time. This blog? I hope not. I love it right now. Personal finance? For my bank account’s sake, I really hope not. Travel and climbing are pretty sacred and, therefore safe from my whims. Yay for small victories.

And so in the spirit of avoidance,  I took a hard look at myself and well,  I started talking about the martini sitting before him. Just wait.

martini1

What’s in a martini? Who makes the best martini? How long would it take to become an expert in the history and the making of martinis? And then,  in typical crazy fashion…I said,….how about using my short attention span to spend one month, for a year, becoming an expert (ok, maybe just really knowledgeable) on different subjects and writing about it? Martinis this month, maybe the ukulele next month, HTML another…I mean, the list is really infinite. It could be like the A.J. Jacobs book, The Year of Living Biblically: One Man’s Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible.

Except for me it would be a month. Because, a year? Come on that’s just crazy. It sounds fun right? Yeah, I’m sure someone has done this. It would defy the idea of a niche market, if I wanted to  make money. But maybe it would be niche for crazy people like me! Maybe it would lead to something that IS really fulfilling.  But wait… Is it a good thing to embrace your personal crazy? OR is it unhealthy to indulge in this short attention span? Am I obsessing?

Well, at any rate…it’s food for thought. And..it was fun to talk about for a few minutes. Now, I’m starting to worry about our lack of groceries. And the dogs need a walk. And I should shower.

Cheers,

Carrie Snow

SQUIRREL

PS. I am adding Penelope Trunk to my blogroll. She is real, she is funny, she pisses me off and she says so much that I want to say.

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4 responses to “Embracing my inner crazy

    • I’m pretty sure that technology has shortened our attention span. We are so used to a constant stre
      am of changing stimuli, it’s no wonder we get bored easily. On the other hand, maybe we get some kind of dopamine release from the thrill of new information. In that case we are hard wired for short attention spans. It’s a chicken and egg conundrum :)

      • When I was 18 I decided to stop watching TV – I completely refrained for 3 years. When I started again, I didn’t have the attention span to sit through even a 30-minute show! I found myself too easily distracted by real life. Maybe it’s not related, and maybe TV is too old to be considered technology any longer, but it left me questioning the theory that technology ruins your attention span.

  1. Pingback: Happy 2013! I’m breaking out of debtors prison! | Eat + Climb + Travel·

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